I saw his package. It spoke to me.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
