I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Randomize
