My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
