OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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