You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
