I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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