Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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