it's too hot outside to masturbate.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
