i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
