Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
