party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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