i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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