I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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