hotel room ftw
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
