Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
