Kareoke will never be a sober sport
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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