I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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