She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
