That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
