I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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