Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
