You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I need water and some morals
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
