"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just found puke in my bra..
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
