I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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