my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He felt like a one man threesome
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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