Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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