Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
