Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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