Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
