Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
