I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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