You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
