My liver just broke up with me...
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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