No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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