Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
