I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
