i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
