Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
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My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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