I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
