in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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