didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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