I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I feel great
I just peed on a car
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
