I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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