No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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