The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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