..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
