I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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