i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
