I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Dick very happy bro
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
