there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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