hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
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I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
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She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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