I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
