I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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