a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
this hospital has no fireball
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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