I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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