So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
