never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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