He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
