you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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