dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
