Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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